Loss of felt uniqueness breeds estrangement in intimate relationships

Evidence

An estrangement is wont to set in (whether as cause or effect is hard to decide) at the moment when this feeling of uniqueness disappears from the relationship. A skepticism regarding the intrinsic value of the relationship and its value for us adheres to the very thought that in this relation, after all, one is only fulfilling a general human distiny, that one has had an experience that has occurred a thousand times before, and that, if one had not accidentally met this precise person, someone else would have acquired the same meaning for us. — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 398

Categorization

• XREF: Connects to Julius’ unreliability: recognizing any relationship as a general typological case (‘this happens to everyone’) accelerates emotional detachment. — connects to: The Romantic self is constituted through successive contrasting experiences — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 540; Modern love attaches to unanalyzable individuality rather than to any specific attribute — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 580; Anticipatory dread of loss can coexist with intense present happiness — Julien Gracq, Balcony in the Forest, 268 (+5 more)

Related

• Marriages can misplace emphasis on trivial shared intimacy and lose substance (similarity 0.89)
• Intimacy arises when a relation’s unique shared ingredients feel essential (similarity 0.87)
• Resigned love asks only usefulness and accepts replaceability, yet still brings unhappiness (similarity 0.82)
• Modern love attaches to unanalyzable individuality rather than to any specific attribute (similarity 0.79)

Broader Connections

• Modern love attaches to unanalyzable individuality rather than to any specific attribute #expands (0.70) — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 580
• The Romantic self is constituted through successive contrasting experiences #expands (0.60) — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 540
• Anticipatory dread of loss can coexist with intense present happiness #corroborates (0.50) — Julien Gracq, Balcony in the Forest, 268