Resigned love asks only usefulness and accepts replaceability, yet still brings unhappiness

Evidence

In the Platonic interpretation love gets attached to a nameable property of its object, to beauty, which is conceived as strictly universal, equivalent in all of its manifestations. For us, however, the ultimate mystery of love resides in the fact that there is no single attribute which is responsible for it—as Meister Eckhardt said with respect to God, we should not love him because he possesses these and those attributes, but simply because he just is. However valuable the qualities of a person may be, feelings are attached to the unity and totality which lies behind them. … The deepest mystery of our world view, however, Individuality—this unanalyzable unity, which is not to be derived from anything else, not subsumable under any higher concept, set within a world otherwise infinitely analyzable, calculable, and governed by general laws—this individuality stands for us as the actual focal point of love — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 580 (#contradicts, via linked claim)

When she realizes it, her distress reduces her worth even more; she ends up losing all attraction with her tears, demands, and scenes. An existent is what he does; to be, she has to put her trust in a foreign consciousness and give up doing anything. “I only know how to love,” writes Julie de Lespinasse. I who am only love: this title of a novel is the motto of the woman in love; she is only love, and when love is deprived of its object, she is nothing. — Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 1880 (#exemplifies, via linked claim)

An estrangement is wont to set in (whether as cause or effect is hard to decide) at the moment when this feeling of uniqueness disappears from the relationship. A skepticism regarding the intrinsic value of the relationship and its value for us adheres to the very thought that in this relation, after all, one is only fulfilling a general human distiny, that one has had an experience that has occurred a thousand times before, and that, if one had not accidentally met this precise person, someone else would have acquired the same meaning for us. — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 398 (#expands, via linked claim)

Categorization

• XREF: connects to: Modern love attaches to unanalyzable individuality rather than to any specific attribute — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 580; Loss of felt uniqueness breeds estrangement in intimate relationships — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 398; A woman who exists only through love becomes nothing when love’s object departs. — Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 1880

Broader Connections

• Modern love attaches to unanalyzable individuality rather than to any specific attribute #contradicts (0.80) — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 580
• A woman who exists only through love becomes nothing when love’s object departs. #exemplifies (0.78) — Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 1880
• Loss of felt uniqueness breeds estrangement in intimate relationships #expands (0.75) — Georg Simmel, on individuality and social forms_…, 398