Rejecting a partner’s belief while valuing the person requires meta-level dialogue

Evidence

Mutual tolerance: no constant trench warfare and attempts at missionary work. It must be possible for both to be able to respect the other person, even if you have different attitudes. You can reject the attitude, but you must keep your appreciation for the person. To clarify, it is helpful to go to the meta-level of the relationship and discuss how you feel about the other person holding that position: “We have different points of view, how do we deal with that? What does it trigger in you that I don’t share your view? How do I feel about that?” The issue should not consume the majority of resources in the relationship; it should not be all about this disagreement all the time. Sometimes this disagreement masks other couple conflicts, and sometimes it serves as a rationale or final push to end a relationship that is already drifting apart. — Holm Gero Hümmler, Ulrike Schiesser, Fact and Prejudice, 483

Categorization

• APHORISMS: The practical advice to reject the attitude but keep appreciation for the person is a durable life-wisdom formula for any ideological conflict within a relationship.