Recovering conversational control transforms a humiliating urban encounter into an enjoyable one

Evidence

On the other hand, if the individual is at ease with the relatively unexpected, the exact same situation may turn out to be quite enjoyable: … I was at the same place I think. [Both these excerpts are from a group interview.] I walked in and I had on a shirt and tie, but I had on a sweater instead of a jacket. And I walked in and the guy stopped me at the door, the maitre d’. “I’m afraid you can’t go in like that but we do have some jackets over here.” Immediately I was on the defensive. I said, “Well how much is that going to cost me?” I thought I was going to have to rent a jacket. And he turned around and he looked at me and he said, “Sir, I can’t charge you; I can’t accept money because they’re watching me.” So I put on this ridiculous gray jacket, covered with soup stains. I kept picking up forks and knives with the sleeves. But I think it was the same place as this and I really felt better after I put him on the defensive. After that I was able to relax and enjoy the meal. — Lyn H. Lofland, World of Strangers_ Order and Action in…, 634

Categorization

• XREF: Contrast case for the reader’s Simmel/Lofland/Cole frame: the observer who retains Goffmanesque self-presentation control escapes the weaponized detachment that trapped the first diner.