Good parenting means deliberately surrendering the child to independence

Evidence

I had known it would happen from the first time I held her— from that moment on, all her growing would be away from me. It is the fundamental unfairness of parenthood that if we do our jobs well, the deepest bond we are given will walk out the door with a wave over the shoulder. We get good training along the way. We learn to say “Have a great time, sweetie” while we are longing to pull them back to safety. And against all the evolutionary imperatives of protecting our gene pool, we give them car keys. And freedom. It’s our job. And I wanted to be a good mother. — Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass, 332

Categorization

• APHORISMS: The paradox is genuinely instructive: doing the job well guarantees the parting, and the parent wills it against evolutionary instinct.
• XREF: connects to: A child’s autonomy depends on parental love given without reciprocation — Russell Hardin, Trust and Trustworthiness, 658; Effective parenting norms depend on closure across generations between families — Coleman, SocialCapitalCreation-1988, 121

Broader Connections

• A child’s autonomy depends on parental love given without reciprocation #corroborates (0.82) — Russell Hardin, Trust and Trustworthiness, 658
• Effective parenting norms depend on closure across generations between families #qualifies (0.70) — Coleman, SocialCapitalCreation-1988, 121