Bereaved siblings can interpret another’s grief display as covert criticism

Evidence

If I suggested that we should hold the funeral here, which I was pretty certain he would say was impossible, the difference between us, which I did not want to be visible, would become obvious. He would be the realistic, practical person; I would be the idealistic, emotion-driven one. Dad was father to both of us, but not in the same way, and my wanting to use the funeral as a kind of resurrection could, along with my tendency to cry all the time whereas Yngve had not yet shed a tear, be interpreted as evidence that my relationship was more heartfelt and, I suspected, as a covert criticism of Yngve’s attitude. — Karl Ove Knausgaard, A Death in the Family, 1867

Categorization

• XREF: Connects to Knausgaard’s broader theme of self-monitoring in relationships, and to grief research on how siblings police each other’s mourning.