A parent’s pragmatism collided with a daughter’s commitment to principle

Evidence

Her mother looked at her kindly. “It is taking up a lot of your time,” she said with soft eyes. “You could use that instead for your studying. Why waste your energy?” — Moustafa Bayoumi, How Does It Feel to Be a Problem? Being…, 406 (#expands, via linked claim)

By now Farida knew Lina’s real story and was always pushing her to call her father. “Haram,” she would say scoldingly, using the Arabic word for “forbidden.” “He’s your dad!” Instead Lina moved out of Farida’s house and in with Ghizlan. But after a few weeks, she finally did call her father. “I’m in Denver,” she admitted, “working and going to college.” She thought he would yell at her, show his disapproval at her running away to a new life—and restaurant work was not exactly a respectable job for a girl, according to her father’s standards—but he was quiet on the phone, and when he came to Denver to visit her, he seemed impressed by her independence. She was pleasantly surprised that he didn’t demand she return home. Instead he offered to pay for her next semester of school and help her with her rent. — Moustafa Bayoumi, How Does It Feel to Be a Problem? Being…, 644 (#complicates, via linked claim)

Whatever his expectation, it was neither confidant nor friend that Suze became. There are no letters from the months following when he is in The Hague and she is still at school, none stored until after boarding school. Five years later, in spring 1882, she was to write in a steady, angry stream, long letters, still in French, over their heated conflict about her marriage plans to her cousin, Theodore. “Trust” is the word that each repeats again and again. She accuses him of distrusting Theodore and his father. He denies it and claims that he only wants Theodore to have a proper position before they marry. She tells him she loves him but it is to the man she intends to marry to whom she must be most loyal. Valck concedes after refusing to open her letters for several months. — Ann Laura Stoler, Along the Archival Grain_ Epistemic…, 1493 (#complicates, via linked claim)

Categorization

• XREF: connects to: A parent’s gentle plea for pragmatism can undercut a child’s moral crusade — Moustafa Bayoumi, How Does It Feel to Be a Problem? Being…, 406; Family pressure can abandon a child’s principled fight when it threatens career prospects — Moustafa Bayoumi, How Does It Feel to Be a Problem? Being…, 401; Daughters’ marital loyalty could supersede loyalty to their fathers — Ann Laura Stoler, Along the Archival Grain_ Epistemic…, 1493 (+1 more)

Broader Connections

• A parent’s gentle plea for pragmatism can undercut a child’s moral crusade #expands (0.92) — Moustafa Bayoumi, How Does It Feel to Be a Problem? Being…, 406
• Immigrant parents can come to respect a daughter’s independent life choices #complicates (0.74) — Moustafa Bayoumi, How Does It Feel to Be a Problem? Being…, 644
• Daughters’ marital loyalty could supersede loyalty to their fathers #complicates (0.72) — Ann Laura Stoler, Along the Archival Grain_ Epistemic…, 1493